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Cue Ball Club

from Radio Edit / Cue Ball Club by Cheap City

/

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lyrics

Picked clean
Outcast
Scorned and mocked
But at last

We make our presence known
The bare scalps without a home
Your movies ridicule us
Like we’re worthless scrubs.
But hear us now:
We’re the cue ball club

Picked clean
Bald sheep
Held in contempt
But while you’ve been asleep

The fraternity of the folically fucked
Has been organizing to better our luck
You thought we were scum, or trash, or crud
Hear us now:
Lodge number seven of the cue ball club

I started losing my hair at age 14
And hid the evidence under baseball hats
Performed frantic internet searches for causes
Was it stress or a curse or poison?

My parents kicked me out. Said, “pack your bags.”
They kept all my clothes except a few rags
I was out on the street freezing cold
My head had neither insulation nor heat to hold
I lived like an animal. Down in the shrubs.
Miserable and worthless til I joined the cue ball club

And now a reading of selected excerpts from the 300 Official Cue Ball Club Bylaws
Which are top secret and strictly confidential – reading them would surely get me exiled
All members of the Cue Ball Club swear a blood oath, taken from their heads, to uphold the following values:

Bylaw 4: No members will be admitted who simply shave their heads. Real baldys only.
Bylaw 19: Cue Balls who own small businesses are expected to offer a 5% “Chrome Dome Discount”
Bylaw 92: Any non Cue Balls heard using the phrase “Skullet” will be attacked by a group of no less than 5 trained Cue Balls

All stop and hail the cue ball club
All stop and hail the cue ball club

We make our presence known
The bare scalps without a home
Your movies ridicule us
Like we’re worthless scrubs.
We’ve been screaming for years
But no one can hear
Did you let your hair grow too long
so it covered your ears?
So hear us now:
We’re the cue ball club
hear us now:
We’re the cue ball club

Lance Bryan (our leader) found me on the street one day
He reached out his hand and said that there’s another way
I could join a group of balding men (and some women too)
Whose motto is, “Don’t ask how much we save on shampoo.”

So we work to prove that bald ain’t so bad
bald is beautiful and you should be glad
To join a group of thinly haired folks
Someday people on the street will cry:
All stop and hail the cue ball club
All stop and hail the cue ball club
All stop and hail the cue ball club
All stop and hail the cue ball club

credits

from Radio Edit / Cue Ball Club, released October 21, 2022

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